100 Best Dad Jokes - Cheesy but Still Funny

You know them, you love them - dad jokes! They can be silly, corny and thoughtful - all at the same time. Here are 100 dad jokes that include some classics and new side-splitters to get everyone laughing. This list is a great way to kick off Father’s Day, a road trip, game night or anytime you need a little LOL. Share one  joke a day or see how many punchlines you get correct. And don’t forget to add your own. Here’s to dads and jokes! 

  1. What kind of dogs do magicians like? Labracadabradors
  2. Why do frogs never park illegally? They are afraid of getting toad.
  3. What’s a moth's favorite stroke? The butterfly.
  4. Why do spiders know everything? They get their information from the Web.
  5. Where do sheep go on vacation? The Baaa-hamas.
  6. What did the duck say after he finished dinner? “Put it on my bill.”
  7. What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor.
  8. What writing utensil does a boar use in class? A pig pen. 
  9. What kind of lion doesn’t roar? A dandelion.
  10. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7,8,9. 
  11. How much does a pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear. 
  12. What game do tornadoes play at parties? Twister.
  13. What did the apple say to the kangaroo? Nothing. Apples can’t talk. 
  14. What awards do dentists receive? Plaques. 
  15. Who keeps the ocean floor clean? Mer-maids. 
  16. How did one wave greet the other wave? She waved.
  17. Why are volcanoes so popular? They are lava-able.
  18. What does a cow read every day? The moos-paper.
  19. What is it called when a prisoner takes their own picture? A cell-fie. 
  20. What did one candy bar say to the other candy bar? “I’ve got some Twix up my sleeve.”

  1. Why are circles bad at telling stories? Because they are pointless.
  2. What has hands but can’t clap? A clock. 
  3. How did the man like to watch fishing tournaments? Live stream. 
  4. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus. 
  5. Why don’t dogs like walking in the rain? They are afraid of Poodles. 
  6. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw salad dressing.
  7. Why are shrimp bad at sharing? They are shellfish.
  8. What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for camp? Bison.
  9. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crumby.
  10. Why are pirates bad at singing the alphabet song? They get stuck at C.
  11. How can you tell when a vampire is sick? He’s coffin a lot.
  12. What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
  13. Where do pencils come from? Pennsylvania.
  14. Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept.
  15. Why are ghosts bad liars? You can see right through them.
  16. Why was the man afraid of the calendar? Its days were numbered.
  17. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the work closet? “Supplies!”
  18. Where do walls meet after work? The corner. 
  19. Where’s the best place to learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
  20. Why didn’t the bicycle stand up? It was two tired. 
  21. When is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-irty.
  22. Why did the family sell their vacuum cleaner? It was collecting dust. 
  23. How did the cell phone ask his girlfriend to marry him? He gave her a ring.
  24. Why can’t Monday lift Saturday? It is a weak day.
  25. Which season do people get injured the most? The fall.

  1. How do you keep a bagel from running away? Put lox on it. 
  2. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
  3. How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch. 
  4. Why did the man run around the bed? He was trying to catch up on his sleep.
  5. Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
  6. Why are oranges so slow? They always run out of juice. 
  7. Where do math teachers love to take vacations? Times Square.
  8. Why did the coach run to the bank in such a hurry? To get his quarterback. 
  9. When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. 
  10. Why didn’t the lady trust the stairs? She thought they were up to something. 
  11. Where do polar bears store their money? The snow bank.
  12. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
  13. Why didn’t the man iron his four-leaf clover? He didn’t want to press his luck.
  1. Why don’t pirates take a bath? They prefer to wash up on shore. 
  2. What fish has the most fans? Starfish.
  3. Why should you never play hide and seek with a leopard? They are always spotted. 
  4. How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you will see later, the other after while. 
  5. Why couldn’t the hamburger go into the bar? It didn’t serve food. 
  6. What type of tree can fit in your hand? Palm tree.
  7. What did the lightbulb say to his girlfriend? “I love you a watt.”
  8. Which vegetable does a pirate never eat? Leeks.
  9. What body of water is the most detail oriented? The Pacific.
  10. How did the puppies get across the lake? Doggie paddle.
  11. What is a lazy person’s favorite shoes to wear? Loafers.
  12. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.

  1. Why do dads tell such corny jokes? They want you to groan up.
  2. What animal should you never trust to tell the truth? A lion.
  3. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. 
  4. Who was the fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.
  5. How come no one trusts atoms? Because they make up everything.
  6. What did the baby computer call his father? Data.
  7. Why shouldn’t you marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
  8. How many apples grow on trees? All of them.
  9. Where is a fruit's favorite place to go on vacation? Pear-is!
  10. What is the easiest way to get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
  11. What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswaggons.
  12. Why was the math book crying? It had lots of problems.
  13. Which part of the body can you always count on? Your fingers. 
  14. How can you tell a Dogwood tree apart from other trees? By its bark.
  15. Which food tells the cheesiest jokes? Pizza.
  16. What’s a knight's favorite dish? Swordfish
  17. How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away its credit cards. 
  18. What shoes do bananas like to wear? Slippers.
  19. Why do golfers always pack an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
  20. How do you organize a party on Mars? You planet.
  21. How do billboards talk to each other? Sign language.
  22. What music do chiropractors listen to? Hip-pop.
  23. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  24. What beans can you plant but never grow? Jelly beans.
  25. Why couldn’t the pony sing at the talent show? She was a little horse. 
  26. What instrument can you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
  27. What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow.
  28. Why did the kids cross the playground? To get to the other slides.
  29. Why didn’t the teddy bear come down for dinner? He was already stuffed.
  30. Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Celebrate dads and their wonderful sense of humor any time with some laugh-out-loud jokes!  

Courtney McLaughlin is a freelance writer in Charlotte, N.C. She gratefully shares her life, home and heart with her daughter and their dog.